If you put the clowns in charge, do not be surprised if a circus
Think it over well
before you fly the A model of anything.
People can come up with statistics to prove anything, 14 percent of all people know that.
There are no right ways to do the wrong thing.
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making
someone else look bad.
is entitled to be stupid, do not abuse the privilege.
I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just
take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
Follow you dreams (except the one where you are naked in Church).
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the
If something's hard
to do, then it's not worth doing.
If you are looking for someone to do nothing, you have come to the right person.
A fool and his money are soon parted. I would pay anyone a lot
of money to explain that to me.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
A big problem with
reality is that there's no background music.
Young men, never marry a woman whose father calls her Princess, she most likely believes it.
If you think things cannot get worse it is because you
lack sufficient imagination.
There are times when only a firearm will do.
No matter where you are, someone is glad you are there and
not with them.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can
see better than he can think.
Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Always feel with your heart, although it's better with your hands.
A word to the
wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Parents spend the first part of
their childrens lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling them to sit down and shut up.
Until you show up, you cannot be
a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll get a hook caught on his eyelid or something, then sue
Never turn your
back on a charging turtle.
Who really loves you? Lock your significant other and your dog in the trunk of a car, come
back in an hour and see who is happy to see you.
allow anything to be named after you until you are safely dead.
Assault is an act, not a weapon.
every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Trust your mother, but cut the cards anyway.
You can't keep blaming
yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.
When you borrow something from your neighbor....always do it under the cover of darkness.
You can live for many causes, but
you can only die for one. Pick that one very carefully.
A child of five would understand these.....Send someone to fetch a child of five!
God does not play dice with the
universe, there is a plan. May the God of your choice bless you and good luck with that.